I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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