I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize