so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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