Did you just see the Batmobile???
Sober January is a disaster.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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