I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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