considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize