Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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