fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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