Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize