she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize