I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
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I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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