He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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