god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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