he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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