Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize