remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize