I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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