so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
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I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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