you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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