Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just tell him i said nine months
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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