I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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