this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize