I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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