If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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