I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
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Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
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I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Come on in and take your pants off
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