I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize