I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
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my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
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He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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