Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize