Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize