dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize