But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
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Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
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I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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