No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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