can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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