Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
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I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
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As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize