i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize