I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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