Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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