Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i out mim tonsoeep
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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