drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
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He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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