This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize