I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
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I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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