Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
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He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize