yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
God, I missed his penis.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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