MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
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I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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