How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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