Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
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you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
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pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
COCAINE IS GR8
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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