my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
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Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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