Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
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I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
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Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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