do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's rum buckets o'clock
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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