Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
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How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
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While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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